Carmen Yeh Or the Archenemy

In a jail cell somewhere....
'Passionate?'
'Check. Well, sort of. Passionate, yes. But also somewhat fickle. Self-assured?'
'Hmm. Check. Energetic?'
'Check. Vegetarian?'
'I think so. Weird taste in clothes?'
'Oh, yes. Definitely. Hmm... Brave?'
'Check. Easily fascinated?'
'Not really, no. Not often, at any rate.'
'Oh well, people change.'
'Yeah. Scared of the Valeyard?'
'The what?'
'Never mind.'
Silence for a while.
'Carmen?'
'Yeah?'
'Does he ever talk about me?'
'He's pretty quiet about his past.'
'Oh. Do you think they'll get us out of here?'
'No doubt. If I had a grotzit for every jail cell the Doctor's gotten me out of, I could buy a largish moon. And with two of him...'
'Point taken. Do you think he'll ... they'll be much longer?'
'Dunno.'
More silence.
'Grant, have you seen any guards?'
'I can't see anything.'
'Okay, have you heard any guards?'
'Nah. Nothing since they brought us in here.'
'I hope some show up soon.'
'Why?'
'No reason.'
Silence.
'So, how did you start travelling with the Doctor in the first place?'
'I was the captain of an ElleryCorp shipping vessel. Well, my rank was captain, but all I really was was a glorified grease monkey.'
Carmen laughed. 'I used to say that to LEO, and he'd say "That's not true. When have you ever been glorified?"'
'LEO?'
'I'm getting ahead of myself. LEO was the only other crewmember. AI. A human alone couldn't possibly handle all of the necessary jobs on the ship, and AIs alone would go insane. One of each was the most cost-effective pairing. Anyway, we were six months out when the Doctor arrived. LEO tried to kill him immediately. When he stopped, I invited the Doctor to dinner. LEO still tried to get rid of him, but he was a lot more polite this time. As time passed, the Doctor worked out that LEO was in charge of a behavioural experiment run by ElleryCorp. I was his guinea pig. They were trying to figure out how humans could retain their sanity on long voyages, and were planning on incorporating that ability into an AI. Cost-cutting.'
'Hmm.' I said. I'd hoped I'd incorporated just the right amount of understanding, cynicism and disapproval into that quasisyllabic word.
'LEO denied it all, and I asked the Doctor to leave. He did. A few days later, LEO tried to kill me. The results have been corrupted,' he said. The Doctor was there to stop him, and I left with him.'
A loud, high-pitched growl came from Carmen's general direction. I sprang towards her, saying 'What was that?' I grabbed her and pulled her away from what I thought might be a huge carnivorous beast, trying to shield her with myself. Her hair smelled - just, wow.
'My stomach.'
I felt exceedingly foolish. 'Sorry. I thought you might be in some kind of danger.'
'Don't worry about it.'
Silence.
'I have to confess something, Grant. That's why I asked about the guards.'
'Huh?'
'I'm really hungry. I haven't had anything to eat since the Doctor and I left Vancouver.'
'Didn't you get anything while you were in the TARDIS?'
'Nah. I can't stand using that food machine. All it gives out are dry biscuits, even if they do taste like strawberry parfait.'
I rooted in a pocket. 'I've got an apple I saved from Fletrone's banquet. You can have it if you want.'
Her hands brushed against my chest and followed the curve of my shoulders into my hands. She took the apple. A few moments later, I heard munching noises.
'Thanks!' she said between mouthfuls of Rome.
Munching noises.
'Carmen?'
'Nyuh?'
'I've got a confession of my own to make.'
Swallowing noises, followed by 'What?'
'Have you seen - er, felt - I mean, noticed anything in here along the lines of a...' I trailed off, incredibly embarrassed.
'What?'
'A.... uh.... latrine?'
Laughter. I was beyond embarrassed by this point.
'No, Grant. I can't say that I have.'
'I'm sorry I brought it up.'
'No, don't worry. The floor is dirt, so it'll probably absorb any ... uh...'
'Yeah, but I'd still feel weird, going in front of you.'
'It's not like I can see anything.'
'Yeah, but you can still hear, can't you.'
'Alright then, I won't listen.'

Dear Carmen: Hope this comes in handy in case you ever get hungry again. - Grant.

I attached the note to the stasis box, and checked to make sure all the food (real food - nothing dry or biscuity) that I'd gotten from Fletrone's cook was inside the field limit. I activated the stasis field, and placed the box on the floor of the furthest TARDIS corridor I could find. The food would be perfectly preserved until the field was turned off. I trusted the TARDIS to make sure that she would eventually come across it, two regenerations and who-knows-how-many years from now.